Cant stop thinking about her...
I cant stop thinking about my mum, I wonder if shes ok and I miss her so much, it hurts so much in my heart. Most of the time I just pretend that shes dead, then I dont have to deal with my emotions, but latley Ive spent time with new friends, who happens to be mums and who also have their mums in their lifes. Maybe thats why I miss mine so much? If I was ok and not this stressed I would try once more to get her on her feet, but would it make any differens? It havent in the past, she always crawled back to the monster she lives with, who beats her and tells her how useless she is everyday, even locks her in so that she cant get out, who she thinks is the only human in the world that can love her. We tried everything to help, but she doesnt even recognise us anymore. Ive decided that I will write her a letter from James in which I (James) will ask her if she wants to be his Grandmother, she needs to choose between James and her monster and bottles. I know what shes going to do, problebly the same thing that she already done a hundred times, try to be sober for a week or so and then go back again. Its sad, but not even James could make her change her life ( can you call it a life?), she have to want to change it herself. So I am going to try once more, but only once. I love you mum, I always have and always will...
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