Please help me...
I am still in a bad shape today. Not as bad as yesterday though. I was very emotional yesterday and angry with everyone and everything. I had to lie down most of the day, because of pain and tiredness. I dont understand that I still think that people cares about me, I am stupid. I called my dad to ask if he or my brother could come and help us, no... Youre so far away was my brothers answer. Dad would never drive me to Gothenburg. Dad asked me if I couldnt ask the local authority for help.... I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO COME HOME AND PLAY A LITTLE WITH JAMES, so that Paul and I can rest. I actually got a bit surprised. Yes I know I must be stupid. I do still believe that people cares. Why?? Because I do care. I always thinks that people are like I am, which is very wrong. But I never learn. I can tell you all that it hurts like hell when your own family doesnt care about you, it made me feel even more alone and down and it fed my evil thoughts, I am not worth anything...
I should know better by now really. People thinks that I am home because I think its fun and Paul is home because hes lazy. We sit on our big, fat and lazy ases all day and we feel sorry for ourselves. We live on your money and we should be grateful for all the great help that you get in this country, because if you are sick you get the help you need, right?? Well, if you do think so you dont know me or Paul, thats all I want to say.
I got a comment from Pauls guiding person a couple of days ago. We were talking about paul and how well hes doing at the moment. I told her that 6 month ago he couldnt even go out for 5 min without having a panicattack. Really? She answered. Normally it takes people about 3 years to get this far. You both must have worked really hard. Yes ofcourse, I said. Paul wants to be the best he can be for us and he works hard everyday to get better, so do I.
Sometimes I wish that Paul just had one leg or something, then people would see that something was wrong and understand that that person might need help. No one can see that Paul is sick if he doesnt tell, the same with me, no one can see that I am sick either. The people that does care knows though, there is a few people out there that cares and we are very grateful and happy that we have you, you know who you are.
I should know better by now really. People thinks that I am home because I think its fun and Paul is home because hes lazy. We sit on our big, fat and lazy ases all day and we feel sorry for ourselves. We live on your money and we should be grateful for all the great help that you get in this country, because if you are sick you get the help you need, right?? Well, if you do think so you dont know me or Paul, thats all I want to say.
I got a comment from Pauls guiding person a couple of days ago. We were talking about paul and how well hes doing at the moment. I told her that 6 month ago he couldnt even go out for 5 min without having a panicattack. Really? She answered. Normally it takes people about 3 years to get this far. You both must have worked really hard. Yes ofcourse, I said. Paul wants to be the best he can be for us and he works hard everyday to get better, so do I.
Sometimes I wish that Paul just had one leg or something, then people would see that something was wrong and understand that that person might need help. No one can see that Paul is sick if he doesnt tell, the same with me, no one can see that I am sick either. The people that does care knows though, there is a few people out there that cares and we are very grateful and happy that we have you, you know who you are.
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Postat av: Jennie
Gumman!
Nu när allt har ordnat upp sig för mig så kommer jag mer än gärna upp och hälsar på dig och leker järnet med James!.....Ska kolla upp en dag nu framöver som kan passa bra, saknar er!...
Hoppas att din värk snart går över och att eran otur vänder....hoppas att du vet att jag finns här!
Pusssss
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