broken
I am broken. After a month with a sick kid, not being able to rest or sleep at all I am crawling around, trying to get the strength to get up on my feet again. But I cant find it, anywhere. As usual my life is like a soap opera, my mum is back in my life because i didnt look on my phone before I answered. Thats good you might think and yes it might be but the amount of energy that she takes everytime she calls is just to big. Will she go back to her ex husband who beats her or will she get better? Will I get my mum back? Will she be there for James? I want my mum back, I hate that I do, because I will probably get hurt again, like a hundred times before.
I tried to do something for me, just me. I started to work in a flowershop as an volanter. The first days was wonderful and i felt so good, awesome, amazing. Then it turns out that the whole staff is burned out or sick in some way, which means that everything is a mess, they didnt want my help fixing it so I said that I couldnt come anymore. I cant stand people that cant see things that needs to be done even when you point at it. It means that they dont really care. I cant work with people that doesnt care.
There is more drama, but I dont have the energy to write about it. I dont want to be this tired and stressed, I wake up with anxiety and I go to sleep with it. Strong anxiety that makes you cry and womit. My pills doesnt help me at all anymore. I have to take one hour at the time, sometimes one minute at the time. I do know that it will get better, but when you are in the middle of chaos its sometimes hard to see the way out. Right now I can just see all the things that I need to do, a million things it feels like. I hate it....
I tried to do something for me, just me. I started to work in a flowershop as an volanter. The first days was wonderful and i felt so good, awesome, amazing. Then it turns out that the whole staff is burned out or sick in some way, which means that everything is a mess, they didnt want my help fixing it so I said that I couldnt come anymore. I cant stand people that cant see things that needs to be done even when you point at it. It means that they dont really care. I cant work with people that doesnt care.
There is more drama, but I dont have the energy to write about it. I dont want to be this tired and stressed, I wake up with anxiety and I go to sleep with it. Strong anxiety that makes you cry and womit. My pills doesnt help me at all anymore. I have to take one hour at the time, sometimes one minute at the time. I do know that it will get better, but when you are in the middle of chaos its sometimes hard to see the way out. Right now I can just see all the things that I need to do, a million things it feels like. I hate it....
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