Hard work!
This blogg isnt as fun as it was before, I know that. I promise that it will get better, I just have to get on my feet first.
Paul insisted that he will take me to the hospital tomorrow, Im not looking forward to it, but I have to go. The question is if they are going to offer me any help before I made myself healty again? I mean Paul havent got any therapy yet, its been 7 months now. Dont know if I should laugh or cry?!?! I do know what I need though, and I do know whats wrong with me so that makes it a bit easier? I dont know. I just want to function again, to not cry all the time, like this morning when I dropped James of at Day Care. I cried when I left because I felt totally exhausted (its a 10 min walk). I havent had any anxiety yet today atleast, I am really working hard to keep it away. Its bloody hard I can tell you that! I will try to buy a note book today, so that I can write down all my thoughts and feelings, it helps. I also plan to go for an haircut on thursday maybe, I need to do good things for myself now, its very important. Try to eat good and on regular times and exercise a little everyday, sleep whenever I have a chance.
I find it very interesting to see how people react when you not feel well. I feel like a zombie, like I have an hangover all the time and when I try to tell people that I need some love and support it seems like almost everyone disapears. Are you scared of me? Dont you know what to say or what to do? Or is it that you just dont care? If I am a pain in the ass, just say, I can handle it!
It would be very nice to just get a phonecall, to chat about shoes or something. Or if anyone wants to have a coffee somewere and share a gigantic chocolate muffin. Or go for a walk? I know that I can call someone, but I dont even have the energy to have a shower right now... So I need your help!
Going for a nap now, then I am of to Day Care for a meeting about James and how hes doing, our first meeting, Paul will come aswell ofcourse. It feels so nice to not be alone with everything anymore, I am so happy about that.
Paul insisted that he will take me to the hospital tomorrow, Im not looking forward to it, but I have to go. The question is if they are going to offer me any help before I made myself healty again? I mean Paul havent got any therapy yet, its been 7 months now. Dont know if I should laugh or cry?!?! I do know what I need though, and I do know whats wrong with me so that makes it a bit easier? I dont know. I just want to function again, to not cry all the time, like this morning when I dropped James of at Day Care. I cried when I left because I felt totally exhausted (its a 10 min walk). I havent had any anxiety yet today atleast, I am really working hard to keep it away. Its bloody hard I can tell you that! I will try to buy a note book today, so that I can write down all my thoughts and feelings, it helps. I also plan to go for an haircut on thursday maybe, I need to do good things for myself now, its very important. Try to eat good and on regular times and exercise a little everyday, sleep whenever I have a chance.
I find it very interesting to see how people react when you not feel well. I feel like a zombie, like I have an hangover all the time and when I try to tell people that I need some love and support it seems like almost everyone disapears. Are you scared of me? Dont you know what to say or what to do? Or is it that you just dont care? If I am a pain in the ass, just say, I can handle it!
It would be very nice to just get a phonecall, to chat about shoes or something. Or if anyone wants to have a coffee somewere and share a gigantic chocolate muffin. Or go for a walk? I know that I can call someone, but I dont even have the energy to have a shower right now... So I need your help!
Going for a nap now, then I am of to Day Care for a meeting about James and how hes doing, our first meeting, Paul will come aswell ofcourse. It feels so nice to not be alone with everything anymore, I am so happy about that.
Have a nice day everyone and take care of yourselves.
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