Latest news from a sick and tired person
Hi everyone.
Been long since I wrote anything in here now, feels like Im not able to write at the moment, my brain wont work with me. I will try my best today though, just for you.
Our life is like a roller coaster, it goes up and down, up and down, its exhausting! Paul got a new antidepression medication and when he started to take it he became very ill, he was dissy, his arms and hands getting numb and he had mode swings from hell. Do I have to tell you that it was horrible to see him like that? It was so hard to see him suffer and I was struggeling to, I was all alone with everything again.
Its funny how people thinks that if you not well you can just go to a doctor, get some meds and then everything will be fine. It doesnt work that way, not at all. Its scary to think about all the people thats depressed or ill, you have to fight so hard to get help and wait so long, if you not end up killing yourself before you see your doctor the first time its a miracle. I went to the hospital 2 months ago, I had panicattacks and couldnt even take a shower without crying because I was so exhausted. I havent seen my doctor yet, next week he will see me and then it will take even longer until I get to see a psychologist. If I had money I would already have a private psychologist and already feel a bit better. Its not fair. It pisses me of. Everyone should have the same right to get help.
Pauls side effects from his new medication is getting better, he doesnt get dissy anymore and the numbness is gone aswell, we hope that the mode swings will go soon to, its very hard to live with.
I am very depressed at the moment and so exhausted, I just feel like crying all the time. I feel like I am nothing and I am so sick of fighting. I am sick of my brain that doesnt function, I cant read or think properly. I wish that I could go to bed and sleep for a week in a dark room all alone. I want to hug my mom so badly and I wish that she wasnt an alcoholic so that she could be here with us and see James. As you can see I have many wishes. I also feel so much guilt towards James, I was thinking about giving him away last night, he deserves so much better than me. I hope that the doctor I will see next week have some antidepressions for me that will help me because I cant do this anymore now.
Its been to much latley, Ive been fighting so hard to be me, to get back to work, to be a normal healthy person. Last tuesday, I had three panicattacks and I almost thought that I was going to die. It just killed my body and I still havent recovered from it, my body is totally dead. I went to a flowershop the day after to talk about work experience and when I could start. I think that the pressure that I felt caused my panic. Its so bloody hard to get back to a normal life. I will get back though, one day. For every step that you take forward, you take five back, you have to fight, fight and fight.
I am going to sleep now, I hope that you all will have a good day and dont forget to take care of yourselves.
Been long since I wrote anything in here now, feels like Im not able to write at the moment, my brain wont work with me. I will try my best today though, just for you.
Our life is like a roller coaster, it goes up and down, up and down, its exhausting! Paul got a new antidepression medication and when he started to take it he became very ill, he was dissy, his arms and hands getting numb and he had mode swings from hell. Do I have to tell you that it was horrible to see him like that? It was so hard to see him suffer and I was struggeling to, I was all alone with everything again.
Its funny how people thinks that if you not well you can just go to a doctor, get some meds and then everything will be fine. It doesnt work that way, not at all. Its scary to think about all the people thats depressed or ill, you have to fight so hard to get help and wait so long, if you not end up killing yourself before you see your doctor the first time its a miracle. I went to the hospital 2 months ago, I had panicattacks and couldnt even take a shower without crying because I was so exhausted. I havent seen my doctor yet, next week he will see me and then it will take even longer until I get to see a psychologist. If I had money I would already have a private psychologist and already feel a bit better. Its not fair. It pisses me of. Everyone should have the same right to get help.
Pauls side effects from his new medication is getting better, he doesnt get dissy anymore and the numbness is gone aswell, we hope that the mode swings will go soon to, its very hard to live with.
I am very depressed at the moment and so exhausted, I just feel like crying all the time. I feel like I am nothing and I am so sick of fighting. I am sick of my brain that doesnt function, I cant read or think properly. I wish that I could go to bed and sleep for a week in a dark room all alone. I want to hug my mom so badly and I wish that she wasnt an alcoholic so that she could be here with us and see James. As you can see I have many wishes. I also feel so much guilt towards James, I was thinking about giving him away last night, he deserves so much better than me. I hope that the doctor I will see next week have some antidepressions for me that will help me because I cant do this anymore now.
Its been to much latley, Ive been fighting so hard to be me, to get back to work, to be a normal healthy person. Last tuesday, I had three panicattacks and I almost thought that I was going to die. It just killed my body and I still havent recovered from it, my body is totally dead. I went to a flowershop the day after to talk about work experience and when I could start. I think that the pressure that I felt caused my panic. Its so bloody hard to get back to a normal life. I will get back though, one day. For every step that you take forward, you take five back, you have to fight, fight and fight.
I am going to sleep now, I hope that you all will have a good day and dont forget to take care of yourselves.
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