monkeytrouble

I am very proud of myself and my calorie counting. I do feel much more happy now when I changed my diet and I eat like a normal person should eat. I dont really care much about getting skinny, I just want to be healthy and get rid of my eating disorder. I am on my way now.

James and I went to my Grandma on Monday morning. She is my heroine, shes always there for us. When I was 7 we were writing about our best friends in school. I wrote about Grandma, shes the best, she always has an answer for everything, shes stubborn like hell and very smart. She was the only one that offered us a room and a bed when we came back from England and we love her so much, what would we be without her?

Grandma helped us a lot with James when Paul was in hospital, she looked after him so that I could go on my own and have proper talks with Paul. She always do such nice things for people and I look up to her, as I said before, shes my heroine.

James loves it at Grandmas, theres so much to look at and she has so many toys for him to play with. Ofcourse theres always something nice to snack on aswell.

Grandmas got Cancer, they dont know where and she feels ok though...

James woke up really early this morning and we all went up and had tea ( James had välling), I love getting up early with the whole family. Its so calm and cuddely, sitting in the dark watching The Night Garden and drinking warm tea. Paul went to bed again after a little while though and I did the same when I came back from Day Care!
I have so much muscle pain today, can barely walk. I went with my brother to get our new tellytable cubard thing ( that I found on freecyclegbg.se!). IT WAS SO HEAVY, o my good! First we had to carry it down three stairs, then to the wan, then from the wan and up three stairs. Near death experience... I promised Kalle to not ask him to get more stuff, hes to busy, my dear brother, working like a little busy bee. I am so proud of him by the way, running his own buisness and all!

I have wonderful friends, the best ones I could ever ask for. One friend did something very nice for me yesterday morning, cant tell you what yet but I will tell you next week! What she did meant so much to me and I want her to know how grateful I am! Last night I went to Angelica and had a nice chatty evening with her and her boyfriend. In between that I talked to my dear Mariana on msn, shes a friend that I just met, but it feels like I known her my whole life, weird. So it was a day filled with inspiration, creativity and love. A great day.

Before I went to bed I found out that one very dear friend doesnt feel good at all, it worries me a lot and I hope that she understands what a beautiful and awesome young woman she is. Always helping others, taking care of others and making other people happy. I am here for you always, Paul is aswell, please understand that and come to us if you need help or a chat.

James and Im having a calm morning togheter watching kids programs on telly. Just had a lovely breakfast and soon were going to visit my grandma for an hour or so. Havent seen her for a long time because we have been sick. I am a bit nervous today, but I cant tell you why, it have to be an secret until next week, then I promise to tell and maybe show... Well see. And no I am not pregnant!! Almost sounded like something like that! :)

Paul is getting a little better each day its seems, but theres much going on this week so maybe he will be stressed, we have to do our best to work together and support each other. Today we are going to Habiliteringen for a meeting, will be very interesting. Hopefully they will do a good job. Please cross your fingers for us...

Its a good morning! I just came back from food shopping and I left James in Day Care. Going to have a nice breakfast, its funny how happy I feel about that Im aloud to eat what ever I want :) Paul seems a little better today, hope that he will feel less depressed very soon, hate when he doesnt feel good...

I am going to relax a little now and have a nice shower, then I am of to get James and have a walk with Mariana.
Paul is going to deal with dishes and then his guiding person is coming over to chat with him.

Ok, I am almost ready now with my calorie list and menu, it feels great! Think this will suit me better and after a week or two I dont have to think at all, if I have the same week menu. Perfect. One less thing to think about! I cant wait until the day when I can wear my jeans again, yey! Tomorrow I will start, I will publich how much I shrink every forthnight. Daily walks with my friend Mariana and sit ups and push ups everyday is also a part of my shrinking plan :) GO GO GO!

I am sorry that its not so much fun pics today, but were not doing anything at all, just relaxing and its soooo nice.
Finally we feel like we are getting rid of the cold, Paul has some ear pain but thats it! And thats good becuse we have a busy week a head. We are going to Habiliteringen, Baby nurse for James 15 month check up and much more!

We slept pretty good last night, I woke up with James stinky feet in my face though :) Have to get his bed sorted today, found all the things for it last night. I dont know how Paul will feel today but I guess hes going to be depressed and he needs rest, hes been very manic this last week because we been sick and so on. Im going to force him up at 10 though, its not good to lie in bed for to long if your down. I am going to take James with me to the shop and buy us some nice breakfast and some sugar and stuff so that I can make some cookies, they do help when your down, I promise! Im going for a walk with my dear Mariana later, hope it will be some sunshine, we need sunshine! Maybe Paul wants to come? Dont think so though, its nice to just be home in a quiet appartment and relax and get some energy back.
I need to get a scale so that I can count calories correctly, might do that when I am out with Mariana. Well thats how my day is going to be. Hope you will have a good one!

You are in your black place, you want to be alone, you are futher down in the black hole than I new you where. I am scared, please dont be away for long, I already miss you and my shoulders are starting to go numb. Please come back soon. I am here for you my love, always... Hope you know that. I love you so.

I dont think I can do this LCHF diet anymore, it doesnt suit me well... Think that I will start counting calories instead, then you can eat whatever you want, just no to much. This is hard I do believe in LCHF, but I want to be able to eat everything, if I for example eat a slice of bread now I get stomache pain, because Im so sensetive to carbs... I am very bored of eggs and bacon now aswell. I am hopeless I know but I have to find out what works best for me.

My plan is to make a week meny with 1200 calories a day, you should never eat less than 1000 and I shouldnt eat more than 1500 a day so 1200 seems alright? Then I have a little space to have some chocolate or something, I dont usually need it, but when your on your period for example i really need it. I will also try to take 30 min walks everyday, hopefully more, but my goal is 30 min because I know that some days I just dont have any energy at all. Walks are good, they help you stress down and you burn fat. If you walk for 30 min you burn between 150-300 calories.

If I eat like this I can eat the same food as Paul and I learn to control my eating. I hope this will work. I am starting on monday, have to make my meny before I start. Wish me good luck...

Its time to go now, going to drive James to Day Care and then pick Mariana up, shes going to keep me company and support me through my make over. Hope it will be good... Well you all will see the result later xD Have a nice day!

I hope the hairdresser isnt this crazy though :)

The hardest thing in the world is to live NOW, not in the past or the future, NOW. I do belive that is the key to happiness. I often get stuck in my past and all my head demons belongs there. I also have some demons in the future that nags me every day. Will I be able to work soon? Will it all work out with Pauls rehabilitation and training? Is my mom ever going to get sober so that she can meet James? Its very easy to get paniced and stressed when you live in your past or in your future. What matters is today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is a brand new day, its your choice if its going to be good or bad. So think positive thoughts and believe that it will be a good day, stop and enjoy your day, smell your lovely morning coffee and smile at yourself in the mirror... Its going to be a great day! Well maybe it wont, but if you do have this attitude its a bigger chance that it will!

We just left James at the Day Care and we have done some shopping to. We are going to rest a little now and enjoy an quiet morning together, after that we going to do some cleaning and I am going to have a nice shower! A good start of the day!

Tomorrow its time for me to get my extreme makeover, I am looking forward to it, cant remember when I last went for a haircut!

Have a nice day!

Had a nice lie in this morning, James woke me up at 5.30 so I went up and made him some drink and gave him some raisins to snack on and turned on the telly. After that I went back to bed, lovely. James is such a great kid, he doesnt mind watching telly alone in the morning and only comes in to the bedroom to cuddle and kiss us and then he returns to the livingroom again. If he done a morning poo he hit me in the head with a new daiper and if he wants more drink he hits me in the head with his cup :D Hes so clever. Cant wait until he can speak though, then he doesnt have to hit me xD
When I came back from dropping him of at day care I went straight to bed again. I really need to sleep and its so nice to sleep when James isnt at home because then its no one that can disturb you. Have been having bad dreams lately, Paul always leaves me and things are wierd, sad and creepy, you dont feel so good after dreams like that. Lucky I have Paul next to me to hug!

Tonight I will publish my LCHF week meny for all of you thats been asking about it, if you have any questions just comment here on the blogg and I will respond asap!