.................
I dont have anything to say right now, more than everythings shit. I will return when I have energy.... Take care.
Superwoman...
I have to become superwoman again now, it doesnt matter how hard it is or how much my angxiety nags in my back. Paul cant take anymore now, hes been so amazing, but now hes to tired. When I say tired I mean that you feel like youve been hit by a car, that tired, knocked out. I can see him starting to isolate himself again, it hurts so much, we were doing so good. Hopefully he will be ok if he gets some rest today, but I dont know, he used all his strenght taking care of us and everything else the last two weeks.
He was so upset last night. You always have to be perfect otherwise everything falls becuse I am sick. I dont want it to be like that, he said. Offcourse not I told him. But I think you are good enough and amazing, so I will be perfect until we get help.
I hope that I will find the strenght somewere.... Maybe someone will offer some help... Who knows? I dont know if I care anymore...
He was so upset last night. You always have to be perfect otherwise everything falls becuse I am sick. I dont want it to be like that, he said. Offcourse not I told him. But I think you are good enough and amazing, so I will be perfect until we get help.
I hope that I will find the strenght somewere.... Maybe someone will offer some help... Who knows? I dont know if I care anymore...
Please help me...
I am still in a bad shape today. Not as bad as yesterday though. I was very emotional yesterday and angry with everyone and everything. I had to lie down most of the day, because of pain and tiredness. I dont understand that I still think that people cares about me, I am stupid. I called my dad to ask if he or my brother could come and help us, no... Youre so far away was my brothers answer. Dad would never drive me to Gothenburg. Dad asked me if I couldnt ask the local authority for help.... I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO COME HOME AND PLAY A LITTLE WITH JAMES, so that Paul and I can rest. I actually got a bit surprised. Yes I know I must be stupid. I do still believe that people cares. Why?? Because I do care. I always thinks that people are like I am, which is very wrong. But I never learn. I can tell you all that it hurts like hell when your own family doesnt care about you, it made me feel even more alone and down and it fed my evil thoughts, I am not worth anything...
I should know better by now really. People thinks that I am home because I think its fun and Paul is home because hes lazy. We sit on our big, fat and lazy ases all day and we feel sorry for ourselves. We live on your money and we should be grateful for all the great help that you get in this country, because if you are sick you get the help you need, right?? Well, if you do think so you dont know me or Paul, thats all I want to say.
I got a comment from Pauls guiding person a couple of days ago. We were talking about paul and how well hes doing at the moment. I told her that 6 month ago he couldnt even go out for 5 min without having a panicattack. Really? She answered. Normally it takes people about 3 years to get this far. You both must have worked really hard. Yes ofcourse, I said. Paul wants to be the best he can be for us and he works hard everyday to get better, so do I.
Sometimes I wish that Paul just had one leg or something, then people would see that something was wrong and understand that that person might need help. No one can see that Paul is sick if he doesnt tell, the same with me, no one can see that I am sick either. The people that does care knows though, there is a few people out there that cares and we are very grateful and happy that we have you, you know who you are.
I should know better by now really. People thinks that I am home because I think its fun and Paul is home because hes lazy. We sit on our big, fat and lazy ases all day and we feel sorry for ourselves. We live on your money and we should be grateful for all the great help that you get in this country, because if you are sick you get the help you need, right?? Well, if you do think so you dont know me or Paul, thats all I want to say.
I got a comment from Pauls guiding person a couple of days ago. We were talking about paul and how well hes doing at the moment. I told her that 6 month ago he couldnt even go out for 5 min without having a panicattack. Really? She answered. Normally it takes people about 3 years to get this far. You both must have worked really hard. Yes ofcourse, I said. Paul wants to be the best he can be for us and he works hard everyday to get better, so do I.
Sometimes I wish that Paul just had one leg or something, then people would see that something was wrong and understand that that person might need help. No one can see that Paul is sick if he doesnt tell, the same with me, no one can see that I am sick either. The people that does care knows though, there is a few people out there that cares and we are very grateful and happy that we have you, you know who you are.
Fuck this...
I am breaking down now... I didnt think that this was serious, but I know it is now. I have a big anxiety lump in my back and I am crying a lot. I am scared, very scared... I dont have energy or time to fight anymore with hospitals and doctors, which I will have to do if this wiplash is serious. I dont have the money either. I am wondering what I have done to derserve this, fuck sake... I always do my best, I am always nice to people and help others as much as I can. Everything is already so hard. Pauls been superman the last two weeks, hes really pushing himself, more than he should, I know that. That scares me to, I dont want him to get bad again, when he started to be ok. Fuck this life, fuck everything! I just want to smash everything and scream. I wish I had a family, I need help, we need help. When I ask for some help with a simple thing as laundry I just get, cant Paul do it if you cant? NO HE CANT, well he can but he shouldnt, he has a very bad back and he just shouldnt! OK!!!!!!!!! I am alone, all alone and no one cares.
Crap
I do feel like crap today! Dizzy and I cant focus properly... But hopefully it will get better soon. I went to the baby doctor with James today on his 15 month check up. Everything was great :D
Paul went to the shop and bought us some food and then we went home again. Even managed to do some washing today, but it was to much. I need rest! Now we do have some clean clothes anyway... Paul is still superman, hes always my superman <3
I cant write more now, I get to tired in my brain... Hope you all have had a good day!
I want ice cream!... Ice cream always make me feel better..
Paul went to the shop and bought us some food and then we went home again. Even managed to do some washing today, but it was to much. I need rest! Now we do have some clean clothes anyway... Paul is still superman, hes always my superman <3
I cant write more now, I get to tired in my brain... Hope you all have had a good day!
I want ice cream!... Ice cream always make me feel better..
Dizzy and half dead...
Havent slept all night, James have been upset and worried all night, poor little monkey! I feel totally dead! I am happy to have my wonderful Paul, hes taking care of us. James and Paul have so much fun together now, Ive taken one step back and given Paul more responsibility and it works, all mums should do that! Now Pauls got more confidence and he doesnt get stressed anymore, its great.
Well , I am going to try to do something now, dont know if I will be able to do anything at all, I am all dizzy, but Ill try..
Well , I am going to try to do something now, dont know if I will be able to do anything at all, I am all dizzy, but Ill try..
Heres some cute old pics of the little monkey!
Someone is testing us..
Someone is testing us, thats for sure! Were sick, have been for over a month now,then Grandma goes to hospital and we all thought that she wouldnt make it and what happened yesterday?? We got hit by a car AGAIN!!!! What the fuck is wrong with people!!?? Are all people in Gothenburg color blind? I stopped fo red light and CRASH!! Im a stupid woman though because I had a fat big telly in the seat behind me, that crashed right into my seat. Think it knocked me out for a sek. Paul just screamed NOT AGAIN! And then ran out to get James, that was screaming and crying.
The driver from the car that hit our car came out and asked us if were ok, he cept trying to hug us aswell, I just wanted to yell at him and tell him to go to hell! But I didnt... I am to Swedish I guess...
I mean, how much do you have to take in this life? Its not even 6 months since we were in our first car crash ( a bus drove straight into us when Ive stopped for red light...)
Paul is ok and James aswell, I have pain in my back and neck though so I have to eat medecin now for a week and then go and do some sick gymnastiks or what you call it.... Dont now if my poor car will make it yet... I love that car... :´(
I am so sad and angry, its hard enough as it is, now were sick, I am in pain and shouldnt carry stuff, Paul is so tired because hes been Superman the last week, taking care of everything ( I am very impressed by him!), the apartment look like HELL,and we dont have any clean clothes left... GAH!! HELP!!
Grandma is getting better at least! We are very happy for that!!
I want to thank my dear friend Mariana for helping us yesterday! You are a star!!
Thats all for now, have to rest....
Have a nice day
The driver from the car that hit our car came out and asked us if were ok, he cept trying to hug us aswell, I just wanted to yell at him and tell him to go to hell! But I didnt... I am to Swedish I guess...
I mean, how much do you have to take in this life? Its not even 6 months since we were in our first car crash ( a bus drove straight into us when Ive stopped for red light...)
Paul is ok and James aswell, I have pain in my back and neck though so I have to eat medecin now for a week and then go and do some sick gymnastiks or what you call it.... Dont now if my poor car will make it yet... I love that car... :´(
I am so sad and angry, its hard enough as it is, now were sick, I am in pain and shouldnt carry stuff, Paul is so tired because hes been Superman the last week, taking care of everything ( I am very impressed by him!), the apartment look like HELL,and we dont have any clean clothes left... GAH!! HELP!!
Grandma is getting better at least! We are very happy for that!!
I want to thank my dear friend Mariana for helping us yesterday! You are a star!!
Thats all for now, have to rest....
Have a nice day
She might make it!
It seems like grandma will make it, shes weak though. I am to tired to write here right now, everything is a big mess and I have to sort it out a bit everyday this week. So I will write as much as I can... Take care people....
Please dont die
My whole body is acheing from anxiety. I got a call from my brother last night. He told me that my aunt found grandma on the bathroom floor. Shes in the hospital now, theyve done a brain scan, no bleeding. Theyre going to take a sample from her bone marrow today and see if they can find anything. I dont want her to die, shes not aloud to die now, I need her, we need her. Why is it always like this? When things seems to be a little easier then everything crasches again. I will write more when I know more....
Sick monkey...
James is sick, our poor little monkey... He has high fever and is very upset. Paul is cuddeling him in the sofa now. So I dont have time to blogg, lets see if we have something good to write about tomorrow! hope you all good.
ZZZzzz
I am totally exhausted now! Did some work in the appartment today, have to get everything ready, but its not easy to get things done with a little chimpans running around like a maniac... Longing so much for spring and the new wallpapers and a tidy appartment and everything!!! One day... Hopefully soon... Going to watch some telly now and relax... I need that!
Crawling monkey
Wednesday, I am soooo tired.... Didnt sleep much last night because James was crawling around on me. We are trying to get him use to not sleeping in our bed, he sleeps on his madrass next to our bed. Today we will build his bed togheter, dont know if it will work though, now when hes so use to sleep next to us, but I guess we have to try!
Paul feels very depressed today, not fun at all, but that how things are. We had a couple of great days and then he gets tired and depressed, it will be better in the future.
To one subject to another... I saw a program called The secret milionaire last night, the milionaire went to Gothenburg to live as a poor person. It was very emotional to watch and I wish that I could do something to help all the homeless people here. In the future I will, I made that promise to myself, when I feel ready for applying for jobs I will work as an volanter until I get a job. Its so horrible that people doesnt have a roof over their head, especially now when its winter.
Hope you all will have a good day!
Paul feels very depressed today, not fun at all, but that how things are. We had a couple of great days and then he gets tired and depressed, it will be better in the future.
To one subject to another... I saw a program called The secret milionaire last night, the milionaire went to Gothenburg to live as a poor person. It was very emotional to watch and I wish that I could do something to help all the homeless people here. In the future I will, I made that promise to myself, when I feel ready for applying for jobs I will work as an volanter until I get a job. Its so horrible that people doesnt have a roof over their head, especially now when its winter.
Hope you all will have a good day!
Amazing man, amazing woman, amazing kid
Its been a good day today. Paul have been amazing, hes amazing everyday, but I thought extra about it today. He does the dishes and cleans the floors everyday, today he made us all lunch and spent extra time with James. It might not sound much in your ears but it is big steps in the right direction! He is exhausted most of the time, but still fight so hard and he always does his best, thats why I love him so much and thats why I stay by his side and gives him my support. Guess its easier to fight hard if you have a beautiful son and girlfriend. On monday he will start his Swedish course and we got a call from Habiliteringen yesterday, they just wanted us to know that they where working on our case and they will send a letter to us when they decided what to do. It was nice to get that call, maybe we can trust these people?? Cant believe that 6 monts ago Paul couldnt leave the appartment because he had such a bad social fobia, we started with 5 min walks, he couldnt walk further because he almost strew up from the panicattacs he got when he went outside. He couldnt do anything because he was so sick, not even cook dinner, it was to stressful. He still havent got even one theraphy hour, we have done all this hard work ourselves. Were the best team in the world!!
Monkey lookalike 9
Personal gift for my love <3
I had the best Valentines Day ever! After James gone to bed we cooked some dinner, meat and fries and ate it in front of the telly wathing Chuck, me in pyjamas and Paul in confy clothes. Awesome! After Chuck I went and changed to a little more sexy outfit and gave him his gift.
I want to thank my friend Eva for doing this for me, it was such a wonderful gift for both me and Paul, I feel good about how I look now and Paul is walking on clouds because he loved all the pics sooo much! One day I will pay you back big time!! Thank you sooo much, you are awesome and extremly talented! Thank you again :D
My friend Eva Johansson took boudoir pics of me that she collected on a cd and then she placed it in a beautiful album togheter with a printed out pic of me. Nice! I recomend everyone to do this, both for yourself and because its such a nice and personal gift to your partner.
I want to thank my friend Eva for doing this for me, it was such a wonderful gift for both me and Paul, I feel good about how I look now and Paul is walking on clouds because he loved all the pics sooo much! One day I will pay you back big time!! Thank you sooo much, you are awesome and extremly talented! Thank you again :D
My friend Eva Johansson took boudoir pics of me that she collected on a cd and then she placed it in a beautiful album togheter with a printed out pic of me. Nice! I recomend everyone to do this, both for yourself and because its such a nice and personal gift to your partner.
Heres some of the pics :P
Visit Eva Johanssons blogg to check out offers and pics!!
http://fotografevajohansson.blogspot.com/
Visit Eva Johanssons blogg to check out offers and pics!!
http://fotografevajohansson.blogspot.com/
Charming!
When I woke up this morning I got another beautiful charm for my bracelet! I am so happy, just what I wanted :D
Tonight I will give Paul his gift, I know that he will love it! I am so exited! Will blogg about it tomorrow!
Happy Valentines Day!
Beautiful rose bouquet that I made when I worked at Nilssons Plantskola, some inspiration fpr all the men and vomen thats going to surprise their loved ones today!
Grubb
James is eating all on his own now, its very messy, but very nice to be able to eat togheter without having to feed him!
Jum jum! Spagetti with sausage, ketchup and greens!
Jum jum! Spagetti with sausage, ketchup and greens!
Cuddles!
Cuddles with my beautiful monkey <3
Oooo I love you so!!
Oooo I love you so!!
Lewis, Lyn! Can you please call us?
Sunday, again?!
I am tired today! Like I was yesterday aswell, so tired. Thinking of my mum and other things really drained my energy! Have to find some new quick! James and I am going in to the city today, going to pick up some stuff. Going to check how much a new cable is for my phone, need it so that I can put some movies on the blogg! I have so many!
The appartment looks like hell again, it just happens over a day! Like magic and its all James fault! Hes a professional mess maker!
Paul and I need some help, we have to prepare the appartment because there will be painters coming soon to put up new wallpapers, so if anyone have time to help please say! Much appritiated! HELP!!!!!
Paul is sick again, ear infection or something... My poor man... Hope he will feel better soon.
Well thats whats happening over here... Hope you all will have nice sunday!!
Me and James zzzzzzzzz, Paul took a pic without me knowing, he always does that when we sleep!
The appartment looks like hell again, it just happens over a day! Like magic and its all James fault! Hes a professional mess maker!
Paul and I need some help, we have to prepare the appartment because there will be painters coming soon to put up new wallpapers, so if anyone have time to help please say! Much appritiated! HELP!!!!!
Paul is sick again, ear infection or something... My poor man... Hope he will feel better soon.
Well thats whats happening over here... Hope you all will have nice sunday!!
Me and James zzzzzzzzz, Paul took a pic without me knowing, he always does that when we sleep!
Shit day...
Saw a movie last night, cant remember what it was called, but Helen Hunt was in it. She was adopted and met her bio mom and so on. The stupid movie made me realize how much I miss my mum. I was crying and I am still upset. I dont know if I will ever see my mum again, Ive told her that I dont want to see her before she quit drinking. She havent seen James yet. Thats how much he means to her. Nice... I must say though, that before my sister died and everything turned into shit, she did a wonderful job, my mum. She was the best mum a kid could have. Then she met the wrong man and choosed him and the bottle instead of us. I do understand, she wasnt strong enough, I dont know if i would be strong enough. I just wish that she knows that I love her, but I dont think that she does, think she thinks that I hate her because I dont want to see her as long as she drinks. It hurts so much to know that someone that you love so much is wasting away her life. I want to help her but I cant, I tried for ten years. Shes the only one that can take the step to a better future.
I hope that I will see you again some day, show you James and hug you, breath in your parfym and feel safe in your arms again, safe like only a mum can make you feel. I love you mum...
I hope that I will see you again some day, show you James and hug you, breath in your parfym and feel safe in your arms again, safe like only a mum can make you feel. I love you mum...
TITUT!
Playing titut :D
'
'The crazy family
Thats us!
Its hard to get everyone in the same pic!
So this cute pic has to do for now :D
Its hard to get everyone in the same pic!
So this cute pic has to do for now :D
This is working for me!
I am very proud of myself and my calorie counting. I do feel much more happy now when I changed my diet and I eat like a normal person should eat. I dont really care much about getting skinny, I just want to be healthy and get rid of my eating disorder. I am on my way now.
Remember to take good care of yourselves! You are the most important person in your life!
My heroine
James and I went to my Grandma on Monday morning. She is my heroine, shes always there for us. When I was 7 we were writing about our best friends in school. I wrote about Grandma, shes the best, she always has an answer for everything, shes stubborn like hell and very smart. She was the only one that offered us a room and a bed when we came back from England and we love her so much, what would we be without her?
Grandma helped us a lot with James when Paul was in hospital, she looked after him so that I could go on my own and have proper talks with Paul. She always do such nice things for people and I look up to her, as I said before, shes my heroine.
James loves it at Grandmas, theres so much to look at and she has so many toys for him to play with. Ofcourse theres always something nice to snack on aswell.
Grandmas got Cancer, they dont know where and she feels ok though...
Grandma helped us a lot with James when Paul was in hospital, she looked after him so that I could go on my own and have proper talks with Paul. She always do such nice things for people and I look up to her, as I said before, shes my heroine.
James loves it at Grandmas, theres so much to look at and she has so many toys for him to play with. Ofcourse theres always something nice to snack on aswell.
Grandmas got Cancer, they dont know where and she feels ok though...
New telly cubard thingy
James woke up really early this morning and we all went up and had tea ( James had välling), I love getting up early with the whole family. Its so calm and cuddely, sitting in the dark watching The Night Garden and drinking warm tea. Paul went to bed again after a little while though and I did the same when I came back from Day Care!
I have so much muscle pain today, can barely walk. I went with my brother to get our new tellytable cubard thing ( that I found on freecyclegbg.se!). IT WAS SO HEAVY, o my good! First we had to carry it down three stairs, then to the wan, then from the wan and up three stairs. Near death experience... I promised Kalle to not ask him to get more stuff, hes to busy, my dear brother, working like a little busy bee. I am so proud of him by the way, running his own buisness and all!
Here it is! We are going to paint it, dont know which color yet though, maybe dark wood color?
I have so much muscle pain today, can barely walk. I went with my brother to get our new tellytable cubard thing ( that I found on freecyclegbg.se!). IT WAS SO HEAVY, o my good! First we had to carry it down three stairs, then to the wan, then from the wan and up three stairs. Near death experience... I promised Kalle to not ask him to get more stuff, hes to busy, my dear brother, working like a little busy bee. I am so proud of him by the way, running his own buisness and all!
Here it is! We are going to paint it, dont know which color yet though, maybe dark wood color?
Inspiration, creativity and love
I have wonderful friends, the best ones I could ever ask for. One friend did something very nice for me yesterday morning, cant tell you what yet but I will tell you next week! What she did meant so much to me and I want her to know how grateful I am! Last night I went to Angelica and had a nice chatty evening with her and her boyfriend. In between that I talked to my dear Mariana on msn, shes a friend that I just met, but it feels like I known her my whole life, weird. So it was a day filled with inspiration, creativity and love. A great day.
Before I went to bed I found out that one very dear friend doesnt feel good at all, it worries me a lot and I hope that she understands what a beautiful and awesome young woman she is. Always helping others, taking care of others and making other people happy. I am here for you always, Paul is aswell, please understand that and come to us if you need help or a chat.
Before I went to bed I found out that one very dear friend doesnt feel good at all, it worries me a lot and I hope that she understands what a beautiful and awesome young woman she is. Always helping others, taking care of others and making other people happy. I am here for you always, Paul is aswell, please understand that and come to us if you need help or a chat.
I want all my friends to know that I appritiate and love them all so much.
James at Angelicas
Angelica imitating James :D
James at Angelicas
Angelica imitating James :D
Its fucking stupid if you ask me...
We had a couple of busy days lately. Feels like Ive been running around like a crazy chicken! We went to Habiliteringen for a meeting on tuesday. It was very stressful, as usual they didnt know that Paul was an english speaking person and there was no translator. We managed to inform them about our situation and they are going to talk about what kind of help we will get. Something that I find very strange is that they dont offer people long term theraphy?! Ok? So how the fuck are you going to get well then? If you are so sick so that you cant work and afford private help? I dont understand anything, but I guess we have to wait and see what they decide to do and then ask for more help if they dont give us what we need. Should you really have to fight this hard to get the help that you need to get well? I think its horrible... It scares me... What if you are all alone? Without any person that loves you and supports you?
Hi everyone!
Hi everyone!
Im very busy at the moment but will have time to blogg more tomorrow! Been out all day and I am on my way out again now! So see you tomorrow!! Have a nice day!
Im very busy at the moment but will have time to blogg more tomorrow! Been out all day and I am on my way out again now! So see you tomorrow!! Have a nice day!
Dark purple bride
Elegant, dont you think?
For a bride that wants something simple and clean.
For a bride that wants something simple and clean.
A new day...
James and Im having a calm morning togheter watching kids programs on telly. Just had a lovely breakfast and soon were going to visit my grandma for an hour or so. Havent seen her for a long time because we have been sick. I am a bit nervous today, but I cant tell you why, it have to be an secret until next week, then I promise to tell and maybe show... Well see. And no I am not pregnant!! Almost sounded like something like that! :)
Paul is getting a little better each day its seems, but theres much going on this week so maybe he will be stressed, we have to do our best to work together and support each other. Today we are going to Habiliteringen for a meeting, will be very interesting. Hopefully they will do a good job. Please cross your fingers for us...
Paul is getting a little better each day its seems, but theres much going on this week so maybe he will be stressed, we have to do our best to work together and support each other. Today we are going to Habiliteringen for a meeting, will be very interesting. Hopefully they will do a good job. Please cross your fingers for us...
I hope you all have a lovely day!
Longing for spring!
Soon its spring... Hopefully :D And when its spring we need to buy loads and loads of flowers and put everywhere, in pots, buckets, on the stairs, in the windows, yes everywhere! My favourite place for flower shopping is Nilssons Plantskola, they got it all! The knowledge, good service , good kvalite, good prices and the place is beautiful!
Click on the link below to visit there website!
Todays monkey outfit
Mr. Trouble
Love me, love me, say that you love me!
Its soon Valentines Day... I have no clue what to give Paul! He already got me a gift, no clue what that is either! Hes so romantic ;)
I made this for my brothers girlfriend (it was their anniversary or something, so he needed something romantic) when I worked at Nilssons Plantskola, cute right ?!
I made this for my brothers girlfriend (it was their anniversary or something, so he needed something romantic) when I worked at Nilssons Plantskola, cute right ?!
Feeling good
Its a good morning! I just came back from food shopping and I left James in Day Care. Going to have a nice breakfast, its funny how happy I feel about that Im aloud to eat what ever I want :) Paul seems a little better today, hope that he will feel less depressed very soon, hate when he doesnt feel good...
I am going to relax a little now and have a nice shower, then I am of to get James and have a walk with Mariana.
Paul is going to deal with dishes and then his guiding person is coming over to chat with him.
I am going to relax a little now and have a nice shower, then I am of to get James and have a walk with Mariana.
Paul is going to deal with dishes and then his guiding person is coming over to chat with him.
Have a nice day!
Time to shrink
Ok, I am almost ready now with my calorie list and menu, it feels great! Think this will suit me better and after a week or two I dont have to think at all, if I have the same week menu. Perfect. One less thing to think about! I cant wait until the day when I can wear my jeans again, yey! Tomorrow I will start, I will publich how much I shrink every forthnight. Daily walks with my friend Mariana and sit ups and push ups everyday is also a part of my shrinking plan :) GO GO GO!
I am sorry that its not so much fun pics today, but were not doing anything at all, just relaxing and its soooo nice.
Finally we feel like we are getting rid of the cold, Paul has some ear pain but thats it! And thats good becuse we have a busy week a head. We are going to Habiliteringen, Baby nurse for James 15 month check up and much more!
An other beautiful pic that Eva Johansson has taken :)
I am sorry that its not so much fun pics today, but were not doing anything at all, just relaxing and its soooo nice.
Finally we feel like we are getting rid of the cold, Paul has some ear pain but thats it! And thats good becuse we have a busy week a head. We are going to Habiliteringen, Baby nurse for James 15 month check up and much more!
An other beautiful pic that Eva Johansson has taken :)
SATC2
Paul wants to be in his bubble right now, so tonight I will rent SATC2 I think. Looking forward to watch it, its supposed to be fun :D
Monkey lookalike 8
Sunday morning
We slept pretty good last night, I woke up with James stinky feet in my face though :) Have to get his bed sorted today, found all the things for it last night. I dont know how Paul will feel today but I guess hes going to be depressed and he needs rest, hes been very manic this last week because we been sick and so on. Im going to force him up at 10 though, its not good to lie in bed for to long if your down. I am going to take James with me to the shop and buy us some nice breakfast and some sugar and stuff so that I can make some cookies, they do help when your down, I promise! Im going for a walk with my dear Mariana later, hope it will be some sunshine, we need sunshine! Maybe Paul wants to come? Dont think so though, its nice to just be home in a quiet appartment and relax and get some energy back.
I need to get a scale so that I can count calories correctly, might do that when I am out with Mariana. Well thats how my day is going to be. Hope you will have a good one!
I need to get a scale so that I can count calories correctly, might do that when I am out with Mariana. Well thats how my day is going to be. Hope you will have a good one!
...
You are in your black place, you want to be alone, you are futher down in the black hole than I new you where. I am scared, please dont be away for long, I already miss you and my shoulders are starting to go numb. Please come back soon. I am here for you my love, always... Hope you know that. I love you so.
To an beautiful angel
I made this beautiful heart for my sisters grave 2 years ago.
I give up
I dont think I can do this LCHF diet anymore, it doesnt suit me well... Think that I will start counting calories instead, then you can eat whatever you want, just no to much. This is hard I do believe in LCHF, but I want to be able to eat everything, if I for example eat a slice of bread now I get stomache pain, because Im so sensetive to carbs... I am very bored of eggs and bacon now aswell. I am hopeless I know but I have to find out what works best for me.
My plan is to make a week meny with 1200 calories a day, you should never eat less than 1000 and I shouldnt eat more than 1500 a day so 1200 seems alright? Then I have a little space to have some chocolate or something, I dont usually need it, but when your on your period for example i really need it. I will also try to take 30 min walks everyday, hopefully more, but my goal is 30 min because I know that some days I just dont have any energy at all. Walks are good, they help you stress down and you burn fat. If you walk for 30 min you burn between 150-300 calories.
If I eat like this I can eat the same food as Paul and I learn to control my eating. I hope this will work. I am starting on monday, have to make my meny before I start. Wish me good luck...
My plan is to make a week meny with 1200 calories a day, you should never eat less than 1000 and I shouldnt eat more than 1500 a day so 1200 seems alright? Then I have a little space to have some chocolate or something, I dont usually need it, but when your on your period for example i really need it. I will also try to take 30 min walks everyday, hopefully more, but my goal is 30 min because I know that some days I just dont have any energy at all. Walks are good, they help you stress down and you burn fat. If you walk for 30 min you burn between 150-300 calories.
If I eat like this I can eat the same food as Paul and I learn to control my eating. I hope this will work. I am starting on monday, have to make my meny before I start. Wish me good luck...
And the secret photographer is....
Eva Johansson!
She describes herself as a fearless photographer who loves challenges with the universe as a workplace :)
She is awesome!
Check out her blogg!
Check out her blogg!
http://fotografevajohansson.blogspot.com/
Heres some more monkeypics!
Theres still loads left, will show some more tomorrow!
Heres some more monkeypics!
Theres still loads left, will show some more tomorrow!
Todays monkey outfit
This gorgeous fluffy sweather did James get from Grandma Lyn and Granpa Rob
Yes, different sock today again, they disaper and we are poor so... But it is a bit charming?
Yes, different sock today again, they disaper and we are poor so... But it is a bit charming?
Awesome lunch! (LCHF)
This was a nice change! I really enjoyed it!
Just split an avocado and mix togheter som shrimps and mayo!
Just split an avocado and mix togheter som shrimps and mayo!
More photos from the secret photograper!
Michael Jackson dance?
I promise I will tell you who this talented photographer is tonight!!!
I just found out that she offers free baby ( not older than 5 weeks) photoshoot al Februari to celibrate Valentines day!
I promise I will tell you who this talented photographer is tonight!!!
I just found out that she offers free baby ( not older than 5 weeks) photoshoot al Februari to celibrate Valentines day!
Pissed of
I am so pissed of, were sick AGAIN! I mean come on! I dont have time for this, the appartment just started to be tidy, gah hate this! Well why dont you go and rest then you might think? Well I cant everything still have to be taken care of... Would give everything for some chicken soup and a day underneath a blanket in the sofa. We have no food, no clean clothes, nothing. Hate being sick, at least James is feeling ok. Going to rest for an hour now, then shower and then crawl to the car and get James... Then crawl to the food shop and after that crawl home, if I am still alive... Yes I do feel sorry for myself today! This sucks!
Secret photographer
My friend who is a awesome photographer took this lovely photo and many more of James a couple of weeks ago!
I will publish some more tomorrow and also tell you more about this talented woman!
Dont miss it :D
I will publish some more tomorrow and also tell you more about this talented woman!
Dont miss it :D
Moviestar treatment
Good evening!
I just have to recomend the hairdresser that took care of me today, she was brilliant! I went to Gothenburgs hairdresser school to get my makeover but the girl that was supposed to cut my hair was sick so they sent me to Klippcenter on Kungsgatan 15 instead. Its the same owner or something, cant remember. Caroline was the girls name, she made me feel like a moviestar today, do I have to say more? I have nothing to complain about at all. She even gave us some advice about budget hairproducts, which we should use and which we should stay away from. We like!!!!! All staff members was nice and chatty and the atmosphere was perfect. Very nice coffee aswell.
So if you want to be treated like a moviestar call Caroline 031-137733, you wont be disapointed!
Oh I almost forgot! Caroline recomended PROFFS products and told us to stay away from Fructis!
The new me :D
This is me before
This is me now, I LOVE it :)
What do you think?
This is me now, I LOVE it :)
What do you think?
Dirty monkey no more!
Its so fun to bath and play with all the bubbles! Yes James enjoys it to ;) Isnt he cute in his bubble afro hair?
Time for change!
Its time to go now, going to drive James to Day Care and then pick Mariana up, shes going to keep me company and support me through my make over. Hope it will be good... Well you all will see the result later xD Have a nice day!
I hope the hairdresser isnt this crazy though :)
The key to happiness
The hardest thing in the world is to live NOW, not in the past or the future, NOW. I do belive that is the key to happiness. I often get stuck in my past and all my head demons belongs there. I also have some demons in the future that nags me every day. Will I be able to work soon? Will it all work out with Pauls rehabilitation and training? Is my mom ever going to get sober so that she can meet James? Its very easy to get paniced and stressed when you live in your past or in your future. What matters is today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is a brand new day, its your choice if its going to be good or bad. So think positive thoughts and believe that it will be a good day, stop and enjoy your day, smell your lovely morning coffee and smile at yourself in the mirror... Its going to be a great day! Well maybe it wont, but if you do have this attitude its a bigger chance that it will!
Dreaming of a retro kitchen
This is our kitchen, I want to fill it with retro stuff, I LOVE retro stuff. I dont know what to do with or bar table though, I dont like it that much, but it is practical, James cant reach up there so I can use it as a desk during the days. Maybe I can paint it white and then you wont notice it so much? I think I will have a crazy mix of everything in here, I have some stuff that Ive got from grandma already, but I will wait a while until I start decorating. Its much more fun if you have all the stuff you need so you can get it ready. I need carpets, bookchelves, a lamp etc, etc. Does someone want to come for som vintage shopping with me?
What do you think that I sholud do? Any ideas?
Todays monkey outfit
Different socks is cool? Right? Well we thinks so anyway :D
James now knows how to do Peek a Boo with his hands, before he used to hide behind something, like a curtain or under a blanket.
James now knows how to do Peek a Boo with his hands, before he used to hide behind something, like a curtain or under a blanket.
Morning!
We just left James at the Day Care and we have done some shopping to. We are going to rest a little now and enjoy an quiet morning together, after that we going to do some cleaning and I am going to have a nice shower! A good start of the day!
Tomorrow its time for me to get my extreme makeover, I am looking forward to it, cant remember when I last went for a haircut!
Tomorrow its time for me to get my extreme makeover, I am looking forward to it, cant remember when I last went for a haircut!
This is me now, tired without make up, sorry if I scared anyone xD
James this mornig :) CLEANING FREAK!
Have a nice day!
Lchf week meny
My LCHF week meny.
Monday
B:10 raspberries with greek yoghurt ( 10% fat) and a little double cream.
L: A big avocado with tuna and mayo
D: Grilled Chicken breast with broccoli and butter
Tuesday
B: 3 boiled eggs with butter
L: Bacon salad
D: Bolognese with green beans and cheese
Wednesday
B: 2 fried eggs with bacon
L: Prawn salad
D: Mushroom soup
Thursday
B: 2 spoons blueberries with greek yoghurt and double cream
L: Bacon omelette
D: Burger (just the meat) with mixed salad, cheese, bacon, salad and mayo.
Friday
B: Bacon muffin
L: Chicken salad
D: Fried pork with broccoli and beanaise sauce
Saturday
B: Bacon muffin
L: Avocado with prawns and mayo
D: Chicken breast wrapped in bacon with green beans
Sunday
B: 2 fried eggs and bacon
L: Bacon omelette
D: Meat balls with in tomato sauce and mixed salad
Lchf
Things to think about if you are going to eat LHCF.
Dont eat products with more than 5 % carbs/ 100 g
Dont eat wegetables that grows below ground ( carrots, potatoes, parsnips etc)
Dont eat bread, rice, pasta etc
Dont eat sweets and sugar
Dont eat fruit
Dont drink alkohol
Do eat real butter
Drink your coffee or tea with double cream
Dont be afraid of fat, you need fat to stay full.
Instead of fruit eat bluberries, raspberries or strawberries, they dont have much carbs in them.
Eat cheese
You cant eat like this and then go back to eat normally for two days and start again, then it doesnt work because the body have to burn off the carbs, if you stick to the diet you burn fat all the time, you dont want sweets and you dont get hungry. Its perfect for an emotional eater or someone that has a sugar addiction.
During the first week you can feel a bit tired and enoyed. After a week you wont feel like that anymore, but the body have to get use to your new lifestyle without sugar!
Please comment on the blogg if you have any questions!
Good Luck!
Dont eat products with more than 5 % carbs/ 100 g
Dont eat wegetables that grows below ground ( carrots, potatoes, parsnips etc)
Dont eat bread, rice, pasta etc
Dont eat sweets and sugar
Dont eat fruit
Dont drink alkohol
Do eat real butter
Drink your coffee or tea with double cream
Dont be afraid of fat, you need fat to stay full.
Instead of fruit eat bluberries, raspberries or strawberries, they dont have much carbs in them.
Eat cheese
You cant eat like this and then go back to eat normally for two days and start again, then it doesnt work because the body have to burn off the carbs, if you stick to the diet you burn fat all the time, you dont want sweets and you dont get hungry. Its perfect for an emotional eater or someone that has a sugar addiction.
During the first week you can feel a bit tired and enoyed. After a week you wont feel like that anymore, but the body have to get use to your new lifestyle without sugar!
Please comment on the blogg if you have any questions!
Good Luck!
Todays monkey outfit
Gorgeous in trousers from Marcs and Spencers :)
The best kid ever!
Had a nice lie in this morning, James woke me up at 5.30 so I went up and made him some drink and gave him some raisins to snack on and turned on the telly. After that I went back to bed, lovely. James is such a great kid, he doesnt mind watching telly alone in the morning and only comes in to the bedroom to cuddle and kiss us and then he returns to the livingroom again. If he done a morning poo he hit me in the head with a new daiper and if he wants more drink he hits me in the head with his cup :D Hes so clever. Cant wait until he can speak though, then he doesnt have to hit me xD
When I came back from dropping him of at day care I went straight to bed again. I really need to sleep and its so nice to sleep when James isnt at home because then its no one that can disturb you. Have been having bad dreams lately, Paul always leaves me and things are wierd, sad and creepy, you dont feel so good after dreams like that. Lucky I have Paul next to me to hug!
Tonight I will publish my LCHF week meny for all of you thats been asking about it, if you have any questions just comment here on the blogg and I will respond asap!
When I came back from dropping him of at day care I went straight to bed again. I really need to sleep and its so nice to sleep when James isnt at home because then its no one that can disturb you. Have been having bad dreams lately, Paul always leaves me and things are wierd, sad and creepy, you dont feel so good after dreams like that. Lucky I have Paul next to me to hug!
Tonight I will publish my LCHF week meny for all of you thats been asking about it, if you have any questions just comment here on the blogg and I will respond asap!
Have a nice day!
Can I have some food please??
Can I have some food please??
